So yes, I’m a mother and that’s a big part of my life these days. Not the only part, of course, but a big part. I like to think we’re on the home stretch now though. When they’re born, they take up every minute of your day (and night), and then they sleep through the night (if you’re lucky) and you have a few minutes to yourself. Then they’ll sit still long enough to watch a video or movie (if you’re lucky) and you can have a few more minutes to yourself. Then they start school, and you have a few more minutes to yourself. And it kind of feels like motherhood (parenthood, but I’m referring to myself here) is all about stealing moments for yourself. You don’t get to live your own life, except in stolen snatches of time.
My husband and I often laugh at ourselves for being ‘typical parents’ because we make out in the kitchen, or sit in the car in the carport talking instead of coming inside. Stolen moments.
I hated pregnancy. I found the baby stage exhausting (and don’t even TALK to me breastfeeding! That is the single most traumatic thing I’ve ever been through!), but they were so goddamn cute. And then they turn into little mini people, and they’re so fascinating. But they’re also really frustrating, because they want to be independent but they’re too young and so they scream. Yes, we had the terrible twos. I remember my son screaming because I wouldn’t let him drive. At age two. I remember him screaming because I wouldn’t let him pour his own juice or make his own sandwich. At age two. Then there’s the primary school age, which is also kinda cute, but just when you’re like ‘This little person is quite interesting’, they start to get attitude. Then they turn into shits. I mean, teenagers. No, I think I mean shits. Fuck I hate the teenage years! Dealing with my son’s testerone rages was hard, but dealing with his apathy, laziness and lack of purpose and motivation is excruciating. And holy shit, my thirteen year old daughter is such a BITCH when she’s hormonal. I’m hoping my son is coming to the end of this phase of his life, since he’s 18 this year. Fingers crossed anyway. We’ve got a few years left of ‘hormonal bullshit’ with my daughter, as we’ve started terming it. She can go from rage to tears to laughter just like that. Unbelievable.
So yeah, this song is me. Most of the time. I yell at my kids. I wish I could lie and say I don’t, but I do. I wake them up in the morning, I remind them to do basic life skills, I remind them of appointments and hurry them along to them, I push them to do the chores they don’t want to do, I listen to them, I laugh with them, and I love them. All of that, every day.
My husband thinks I’m going to miss them when they move out of home. I think not. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll want to see them once a week or once a fortnight or something, but I won’t miss having them live in my house. No fucking empty nest here!
But that’s still a dream. Meanwhile, let me sing this song over and over again every day…